Life in passing

Search our hearts and not minds...everyday we try to find, the place that we use to call our home... Though I look strong altogether inside I am week. I bleed from the within need more bandages. In the rain it gets cold need a shelter, need a blanket. I need to free myself of me, don't know what I am paying for, I am crawling to get out of my mind but it does not end, the endless hallows... I fight it out not to win but to be free; falling into the abyss, its time and I am alone in the darkness...its time its time...I am hiding because I can't take it...

I wish I could just be a traveler, see the world, have no responsibilities in life, no big goals to conquer, no debts, no deadlines. Just living for the joy of living, exploring and experiencing life with each day. I wish I could go see New Zealand, Greece, Brazil, Peru, Kerala, Egypt, Maldives islands, Norway, the Grand Canyons, take cruise to Alaska, stay in New York for sometime, live in Philippines for a longer time, visit mainland China. But then after sometime I come to reality where I can't be what I want to be and start to wonder why can't I do these things and although the answers stare at me, I don't do anything about it. I wish....

Just give me a job, don't make me make any presentations, don't make me make any business plans, no case studies, no research just a job without any feigning. I have reached a point where I have gotten desperate to be employed but along with the desperation a weird feeling of not wanting to fight for a job has also crept along. Its bad enough that I haven't been able to find a job but this is just worse; this way I am not sure how am I going to get a job :((((( One of the most demotivating phases and unfortunately the end of the tunnel is nowhere to be seen. Just give me a job.........................I deserve to get a job by now.....................

Life gets you at the crossroads a lot of times and sometimes its gets you at a standstill. Let me paint a picture of the kind of standstill situations life can get you to. You are trying very hard for things to click but nothing works. You try all alternatives but to no good result. You wait for such times to get over but it just keeps on going. Everyday you wake up thinking 'okay things are going to change today' but slowly that optimism just fades and you wake up with the feeling 'oh its morning again what do I get up for'. You start to turn into a recluse, you start despising talking to and meeting people. You get irritated and demotivated. You just aimlessly exist but still fighting it out so that things change, because you don't want to be in this situation any longer. Somewhere you know you can't give up so you still keep trying still keep exploring all options but... This a standstill situation and it can get worse. But I am clueless about how to get o...