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I don't know why but I want it...

Living in the shadows of doubt, thinking every other second have I got my priorities wrong, am I acting foolishly by wanting too much in life. I want my friends around, I want my parents to be happy and I want me to be happy here. Sometimes I wonder have I never grown up, I am still in the stage where you give so much of importance to friends, because it sounds like a tale a teenager will tell. Won't the responsibilities of a regular lifestyle become too big in times to come. And I won't be the only one who will go through this all the friends that i want to be close to will also go through the same situation. They will get busy and I will get busy too. But I understand that, all I want is that over some long weekend I will get to meet them, at least once in a year. So even though it sounds foolish but I still treasure my friends. So if go back home I know I won't be able to meet them again.

I don't remember feeling like this after engineering got over and it was a 4 years course and this one wasn't even half that much time. What happened? I thought I was supposed to be more matured than before. Sometimes I feel I am weird and an idiot. I don't know what I am doing, all I want is a job here. But how I justify this is even if I grow out of the state I am in (state of hysteria may be) I will still have a job and other option and places will always be there for the taking. So even if I am acting in some stupid frenzy, if I look at it I have nothing to lose. 

Now the problem starts only if I am not able to find work here and have to go back. Then there are new set of problems all together which I don't want to think about. And then life takes a very different kind of turn which I don't even want to imagine.

So in short its a sad sad situation.... but I am still hopeful; I am trying to be hopelessly positive. Never in my life have been so scared thinking any negative thought.

Stay positive sups stay positive, is what I keep telling myself. To the extend I believe I deserve a job here for all the efforts that I put not just in job hunting but positivity hunting :D phew its a tough task for a skeptic like me.

But in the as one of my friend put it plain and simple, if it works it out great otherwise at least you tried and it wasn't meant to be. But this one might be tough to handle.
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Comments

  1. AnonymousOctober 1, 2010 at 9:43 AM

    failures makes us thinking a lot. it is, most of the time, the result of time mismanagement and lack of planning.

    we are studying be we don't learn. the very reason why we miss to learn is we forget to devoid ourselves to assume as if we are not learned yet. when someone is teaching or simply talking, we tend not to listen and learn because we think we know better and we are already learned. success comes to those who know how to humble themselves and assume we are always like a dry land ready to absorb every bit of wisdom.

    visit: esoriano.wordpress.com and you are going to learn a lot in life that i am sure you have never learned yet after all what you have been through.

    banaresbiz@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  2. AnonymousOctober 1, 2010 at 9:57 AM

    i was reading your posts and feeling bad despite of what you have achieved (mba).

    i think you are not sceptic, you just need to humble down and get rid of pride. pride doesnt help to succeed at all.

    dont mean to offend, i just want to help you.

    i understand you.

    http://esoriano.wordpress.com

    ReplyDelete

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