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Disappear

There should be a feeling of warmth that ties a family but that happens in the movies or in other peoples families. For me its a little different. I don't miss home and no one at home misses me. But I am a responsibility which has to be disposed, a person my father has to put up with of course an unpleasant affair for both of us. He does not like me and he is not my hero either.

So in a house like that I don't feel home so that puts me in a tricky situation I wish I could just disappear in thin air forever. If home doesn't feel home and you have no where else to go what do I do? I never wanted to be back here and add more to my own agony and their responsibility because that's what I am for them.

I curse my very existence sometimes and these are the times when I hate myself and feel helpless and I wish I could run away....well that's not hard to do...I guess I am on my way to doing that.

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