Life in passing

Looking for solace of getting what you wanted and it turning out to be exactly what you needed too... But its probably asking for too much. Life has a bag full of ironies, and it keeps throwing at you one irony after the other. And today's irony is the one writing this has got neither what is wanted nor what's needed.  Wanting a lot and needing some, still getting nothing... and the other irony embedded in it is that may be not getting what you need or what you want is what is needed indeed. So you see there is an irony in every situation...isn't it ironic!

Search our hearts and not minds...everyday we try to find, the place that we use to call our home... Though I look strong altogether inside I am week. I bleed from the within need more bandages. In the rain it gets cold need a shelter, need a blanket. I need to free myself of me, don't know what I am paying for, I am crawling to get out of my mind but it does not end, the endless hallows... I fight it out not to win but to be free; falling into the abyss, its time and I am alone in the darkness...its time its time...I am hiding because I can't take it...

I wish I could just be a traveler, see the world, have no responsibilities in life, no big goals to conquer, no debts, no deadlines. Just living for the joy of living, exploring and experiencing life with each day. I wish I could go see New Zealand, Greece, Brazil, Peru, Kerala, Egypt, Maldives islands, Norway, the Grand Canyons, take cruise to Alaska, stay in New York for sometime, live in Philippines for a longer time, visit mainland China. But then after sometime I come to reality where I can't be what I want to be and start to wonder why can't I do these things and although the answers stare at me, I don't do anything about it. I wish....

Just give me a job, don't make me make any presentations, don't make me make any business plans, no case studies, no research just a job without any feigning. I have reached a point where I have gotten desperate to be employed but along with the desperation a weird feeling of not wanting to fight for a job has also crept along. Its bad enough that I haven't been able to find a job but this is just worse; this way I am not sure how am I going to get a job :((((( One of the most demotivating phases and unfortunately the end of the tunnel is nowhere to be seen. Just give me a job.........................I deserve to get a job by now.....................

Life gets you at the crossroads a lot of times and sometimes its gets you at a standstill. Let me paint a picture of the kind of standstill situations life can get you to. You are trying very hard for things to click but nothing works. You try all alternatives but to no good result. You wait for such times to get over but it just keeps on going. Everyday you wake up thinking 'okay things are going to change today' but slowly that optimism just fades and you wake up with the feeling 'oh its morning again what do I get up for'. You start to turn into a recluse, you start despising talking to and meeting people. You get irritated and demotivated. You just aimlessly exist but still fighting it out so that things change, because you don't want to be in this situation any longer. Somewhere you know you can't give up so you still keep trying still keep exploring all options but... This a standstill situation and it can get worse. But I am clueless about how to get o...

I don't know if its just me or it happens with everyone else also, I feel like everyday life takes a psychometric tests. Everyday there are so many dilemmas to deal with and I have had so many of those in life that by now I should have been an expert at that but unfortunately I don't seem to have learned much. Its like if one problem gets resolved another one pops up and I need to do decide what to do right then else things will get worse. And me being me I procrastinate on taking that decision till I can. And of course it does not help but again even if I decide early I'll always keep thinking is it the right decision or not. So to save myself the agony I just don't decide anything till I can afford to. Gosh, sometimes I hate myself for it, I can't even decide for myself what will decide for others, if I get a job where I would have decision making responsibilities. But again there is a difference in making decisions for yourself and for work. I think all my logic ...

Sometimes you walk to keep your sanity while on those walks you sing to yourself, all the little things are gonna be all right, not knowing when will things be all right. When you are sitting unemployed in a foreign country with no loved ones around and no support from anyone maintaining your sanity also becomes a daily chore at such a time. And so you walk and walk till your mind comes to rest and for some precious moments you cease to think anything and just go blank for a while or just wonder how the hell do I get back. On the hope that tomorrow will probably be a better day you push on, but again you step out to saunter again because because it eventually didn't turn out to be any better day than yesterday. I don't when to give up and pack my bags and leave, but I don't want to give to soon. I don't want to have regret of '2 minutes too soon...' So when I can't think anymore there I go again on the on the walk again just to return the next day too. S...

All of us move on, some can do it soon and some take their own sweet time. For some people packing up their bag and physically moving to another place is moving on emotionally too. But not everyone can pack their emotions and attachments with their bags and move on for good. Some slow beings like me linger on, still want to hold on to how things were yesterday, we are hesitant movers and do a lousy job when it comes to detaching. And people like this go through pain and have no clue how to cope up and face up to the new reality. For us many days are spend reminiscing over the happy times in the past and in fact on hindsight a lot of frustating moments in the past also don't feel so bad. But its a pathetic state to be in, the longer you take the more the agony. Some people can move on so very fast that it sometimes makes you wonder two things, are you very weak? and for these these people who have so easily moved on, did you even ever matter to them? At that time when you feel eve...

Its not just the beauty of the place but the beauty of the people which entices you, makes you wanna stay just a little bit longer and you never get enough of the place. Such are the magical islands of the Philippines, every day spent there has been an experience. Little over an year spent in this country has been the most wonderful year. My sixteen month saga at and the kinship with Philippines goes like this: Even before we reached Manila the daily phone calls to decide which airlines to travel with, use to be quite bugging. And now that I know Saumya just generally talks a lot on all occasions even then I still can't imagine how he went on talking about flight tickets for one and half hours on the phone while my mom kept giving me looks and I kept telling Saumya I have to go somewhere and he still kept talking. But before we reached the stage of discussing flight tickets most of us had a hard time getting Visa with so many things to be done, it was a big hurdle that troubled A...