I am going home, but when I return my few closest friends would not be around and for quite some time and by the time they come back the course would be almost coming to an end. And every time I think of it makes me sadder. I land up in a situation like often in life where I stand to lose a close friend.
They say technology is making the world smaller and flatter but this is nice to write but technology makes one dwell more on the fact that people are far away, it doesn’t let you accept the reality for what it is and live with it, it just makes you fight a little more giving a false hope or illusion of a bond but in vain before something in you gives up slowly, gradually and painfully.
I am tired of people walking in and walking out of my life, I am tired of making myself believe that nothing changes when every damn freaking thing changes. Every time I make new friends and lose them exactly at the time when it fun to hang around, I don’t know what happens but something inside gives up some more faith and hope. And the worst thing is people don’t seem to understand the shit in my head well, somehow I am better off if they don’t understand because if they do then they’ll know how foolish and childish (and not child-like which would have been better) I can be. And to some extend I seem to give people extra focus when they don’t even want it.
I am so sick of this feeling of losing friends (but connected virtually but I guess I am traditional person who wants people around and facebook doesn’t really add any feeling of a bond or closeness).
So all this brings me to the same old problem of finding something inside me to make me go through each day rather than other people because someday they’ll be there and someday they won’t be. All this has happened so many times in life, this sinking painful feeling is not new but I still don’t know what to do with myself (and all I end up doing is writing blogs like these where anyone who reads it thinks I have lost my mind). I still haven’t figured out why am I fucking up my life like this?
While feeling is that of something like crumbling inside I am still to put a brave face on…
They say technology is making the world smaller and flatter but this is nice to write but technology makes one dwell more on the fact that people are far away, it doesn’t let you accept the reality for what it is and live with it, it just makes you fight a little more giving a false hope or illusion of a bond but in vain before something in you gives up slowly, gradually and painfully.
I am tired of people walking in and walking out of my life, I am tired of making myself believe that nothing changes when every damn freaking thing changes. Every time I make new friends and lose them exactly at the time when it fun to hang around, I don’t know what happens but something inside gives up some more faith and hope. And the worst thing is people don’t seem to understand the shit in my head well, somehow I am better off if they don’t understand because if they do then they’ll know how foolish and childish (and not child-like which would have been better) I can be. And to some extend I seem to give people extra focus when they don’t even want it.
I am so sick of this feeling of losing friends (but connected virtually but I guess I am traditional person who wants people around and facebook doesn’t really add any feeling of a bond or closeness).
So all this brings me to the same old problem of finding something inside me to make me go through each day rather than other people because someday they’ll be there and someday they won’t be. All this has happened so many times in life, this sinking painful feeling is not new but I still don’t know what to do with myself (and all I end up doing is writing blogs like these where anyone who reads it thinks I have lost my mind). I still haven’t figured out why am I fucking up my life like this?
While feeling is that of something like crumbling inside I am still to put a brave face on…
ooh kiddo...am feeling bad that ur friends wont be around....
ReplyDeletewhom am i kidding :p
jus come over to Hyd