Sometimes the significance and the insignificance of things just strikes you when you are busy gazing nowhere. Its like a realization that all of sudden grabs you with you only succeeding at failing. And if this happens at 4 in the morning when you have gotten up to get things done without distractions... you are busted. What can you do about whats happening inside the head, its more disturbing and difficult to shut it out then the external distractions.
And then strings of thoughts come out and one of them went like this:
Its October and we are already looking into the new year soon...Term 2 ends in December and things are going to change a lot after that. I go home in December, although I want to go home but the trip back home will harm the state I have created for myself of disassociating myself emotionally from people back home. That's just a way of self preservation I guess. I am so use to use to doing this otherwise I always am a stranger in the new place around new people and I can't connect with the new place, people and situation. So after after the coming back I will need to re-habituate myself here.
And it's going to harder to re-habituate since a few good friends I have made would be missing, our batch would be smaller and those left here would be further split in to smaller groups because of different courses each one would choose. And I think I am going to get into my shell again ( another means of self preservation, gosh its almost sounding like I am in a crisis situation). Then it'll be time for internships.. hassle of getting an internship here or back home.... there will be a lot of things going on. Somehow I will go through all this and it'll be last term and then the feeling of 'it's all going to be over soon' is going to set in and the struggle for getting some job offer in hand before we get out would be huge.
And once out of this school, I have no idea how life will turn out... its like an unexplored territory and thinking about it gives me chills every time.
And then strings of thoughts come out and one of them went like this:
Its October and we are already looking into the new year soon...Term 2 ends in December and things are going to change a lot after that. I go home in December, although I want to go home but the trip back home will harm the state I have created for myself of disassociating myself emotionally from people back home. That's just a way of self preservation I guess. I am so use to use to doing this otherwise I always am a stranger in the new place around new people and I can't connect with the new place, people and situation. So after after the coming back I will need to re-habituate myself here.
And it's going to harder to re-habituate since a few good friends I have made would be missing, our batch would be smaller and those left here would be further split in to smaller groups because of different courses each one would choose. And I think I am going to get into my shell again ( another means of self preservation, gosh its almost sounding like I am in a crisis situation). Then it'll be time for internships.. hassle of getting an internship here or back home.... there will be a lot of things going on. Somehow I will go through all this and it'll be last term and then the feeling of 'it's all going to be over soon' is going to set in and the struggle for getting some job offer in hand before we get out would be huge.
And once out of this school, I have no idea how life will turn out... its like an unexplored territory and thinking about it gives me chills every time.
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