Life in passing

Life can be weird sometimes and so can people. Both just don't stop to surprise you and on second thoughts sometimes you are surprised with your own reactions. Imagine laughing your heart out when you are under immense stress and tensions(Hysteria Struck :D). Just when you think you are nearing the tipping point and you can't go on the way you are going any more you find some more courage and strength from inside you and start off all over again. Probably that is what I am doing, now more often then ever before. Going through everyday seems such a big effort that I have to cox myself each day, but I do, everyday; and successfully till now... but I am not so sure for how long. And I am asked what is the problem, why I am feeling like this and why am I so miserable when everything is manageable I get my share of fun too its just not all work. So what wrong? I don't know but I am not happy... But why am not happy, when I am doing what I always wanted to do? But that does it me...

Before coming to AIM one of the Alumni told me you'll actually wait for a theory class instead of it being regular case discussion classes and today seemed to be our lucky day with both the morning lectures being theory classes, or it just seemed so. Lecture 1 covered a topic I thought I knew but to my surprise it went completely bonkers in those un-chartered territories. Then came economics and we were made to realize we can't even understand high school economics how can we ever grasp real world economics. And so theory classes weren't really a relief from cases but we became a case of surprise for our profs poor them... and as for us... HA HA... there seems to be no retreat.

There is a conflict that's going on in my head- whether should we know everything before hand and act in the knowledge of whats to come or should we get to know things as and when they happen and respond spontaneously. I am sure there would be a lot of people who would find it much better to be prepared thoroughly before they get into the act because sometimes life does not give you second chances. But then can you live all your life knowing what's next in line and being prepared for it? Won't that be too much of predictability, it'll be really boring? There would be many who would nod to that thought, who would want to live life one day at a time. But where do I picture myself. I don't want to know everything that's gonna happen around me, suspense is a great interest holder and attention grabber for me otherwise I would just loose interest in my own life and that's not gonna be good. But then I don't think I would love to be thrown in unpredictable sit...

Hah....! after a lethal weekend with LOB its finally done at least for a couple of days, and that's a big relief no matter if its going to be short lived. I made it such a big deal and as my friend put it 'Over hyped it' that a day without LOB is bliss(there you go there is a silver lining to it too). But the highlight of the day is that after struggling with LOB and fighting my phobia I might just be able to pass the exam or so I hope. So its party time here! And chilling out with friends away from the college (200 meters away) is well deserved. But partying too much on a weekday can have a damaging effect on the complete week and since its only Monday I don't want to mess up my week after a great start. So I should get back to my books again. PS: What is the phobia of accounting called?

I am scared of exams specially when I am clueless about what the subject is all about, but this time is the added stress of so many other factors which is making me get that sinking feeling. I have build it up so much in my head that somehow I can't see beyond this stupid test and its actually not helping me its making me paranoia. I am constantly telling myself its not the end of the world few months from now when I look back I'll just laugh about it... but again hindsight everything seems OK and cause its already done with. Why I am killing myself over it...

There is a kind of silence around which unnerving it feels cold in the in the stillness that prevails today. Then there is the anxiety of the exam on Monday. So I can't help but make the connect could it be the lull before the storm? Or may be its because a lot of people have hit the pubs, discotheques and beaches already (some people do have a life at least on a Friday evening). And what I am I doing I am studying in the library(where silence rules) so its obvious I will hear no noises and its going to be quite around. What's the big deal in that, so after the this TP I better get back to studying LOB or else it'll actually be the lull before the storm. Gosh I am shit scored of LOB, I am not so good with languages anyways.

The feeling of being lost is like being at home these days because since the day I have come here that’s been a constant feeling with me in class, while studying or in group discussions. So what I am wondering is it natural to be so lost, disoriented and alienated with the place you are in. I doubt I'll ever manage to come out of a situation like this. That's what happens when you don't know why you are doing what you are doing and the irony is that this also means you are lost. I am sure after the previous statements the readers would also be lost. Just now someone said ‘Sir, Can you please repeat I am a little lost here’ that’s comforting to know that I am not the only one, but the fact is all of us are a little lost here, it’s the degree of lost that matters and I am lost big time.

When you are damn sleepy and really don't know whats going on in the lecture anyways the best thing you can do to be awake is blog HA HA, then you also look like you are concentrating hard on solving the some damn sampling problem :) Since its in the middle of the lecture I am keeping it short...

Everyday of struggling more and more in studying is making me realise MBA is not about studying at all, although I am still figuring what is it about but its definitely not just about studying and becoming a number crunching machine. The little idea that I have got till now of what MBA is about is that its about having the maximum fun under maximum stress and tension. Its about discovering your own strengths and weaknesses (basically a very costly way of doing SWOT analysis) and working on you strengths to be the best in your area(what is my area of expertise is still to be discovered but I am hoping it'll happen all in time) and still being able to manage in your weak areas because you are expected to be quite between a master and a jack of all trades. And having some very supportive friend always helps :-D. So chai, dev, payal and swati you guys rock.

Things could have been worse! I tell myself even though they are quite bad already, that's the magic of clinging on to a ray of hope. But like everyday of my MBA where I feel completely out of tune in class not knowing what the prof is talking about and still trying to make some sense and connecting it with the very little I know, even today was such a day. Although it was a Saturday a day when normal people chill out, I am stressed. Why? because I know suck at accounting and finance subjects and I realised I suck at Quantitative analysis too which supposedly engineers are supposed to be good at (please pay head its just a supposition). So its pretty clear the exam was a bouncer and its all fucked up in my head, and to make things worse I have an Accounting exam on Monday, many cases to be done and a corporate strategy to be framed over the weekend when I have no strategy of my own to survive the MBA. I think by the end of this (if I survive) I would be knowing all the things I can...