Wake up call

If someone like a scary fairy comes in your dreams and threatens you to get back to blogging, you are left with no option but get working on it. I tried to reason with her but she won't listen and in fact as my reasons (read excuses) made her more and more furious she turned scarier. So I am back again, having taken a long break you would imagine I would have a lot to write well I kinda do but don't know how to start.

So life has changed a lot, I am well settled in a new city and enjoying my life by being awfully busy with work and in company of some great friends. I am staying with one of the closest friends of mine, I have a great time when I am not working. Life's great so far but now I want to get started with doing other things in life, there is so much I want to do in life which I am not doing yet. Well had to get settled in the new job which I am, so it’s time to get some more interesting stuff going in life. Learning to play drums tops on my list of things that I want to do, come September and its game on :). Then the perpetual longing to travel never seizes to haunt me, seeing new places, experiencing the exquisite display of nature gives me eternal happiness and happy is what I want to be. Being a traveler is what gives me all the laurels that I have missed till now. Next what I want to do is read a little more than what I do(which is close to null right now, so a little will also be a lot right now ;)).

As I have a lot of things to do I better get going. But again since I don’t want to be haunted by the scary fairy again blogging is also something I’ll do regularly ( I swear scary fairy, don’t come back I am sure you have better things to do and many more people to scare).

Adios for now, I’ll be back.

As the tables turn

Continuing from where I left, since I agreed that may be my habit of dwelling on the negative is getting more of its kind into my life, so to set things rolling in the right direction I make a promise to myself to be more optimistic and positive in life. I hope and believe that life has a lot of good things in stored for me and it has a splendid plan for me filled with grandeur and delightful times ahead. I have to keep my faith in the power of positive thought.

As a wise friend of mine puts it you got to believe it to see it and I know he picked up it from ‘The Secret’ but no matter where he infringed it from he might be right and I may as well give it a shot, after all there I have nothing to lose and lots to gain if it works.

So a better life awaits me as I embrace optimism and positivity. And the day is no far away when even I would be saying that I am lucky and life has been easy for me and nothings have just fallen in my lap whenever I needed something.

Let the new chapter enfold for the better…

A convert in the making

My mamma says I need to learn to be happy, learn to not just be sad sometimes but be happy whenever you get a chance no matter how small my achievement is. My friend tells me to have a more positive outlook in life. And I know they are right and I will try.

In the past few months I realized I am becoming stoic, jaded will the downfalls in life I have forgotten how to just be, be at ease with myself accept the things around me as they are and move on. And now I realize life is passing me by and I am not having fun, I don’t really feel very excited when a new beginning awaits me, I was not very sad when I was stuck with a long streak of failures and bad luck. I was just pissed with myself, hammered myself for every failure but never appreciated myself when I did something well. I am just frustrating myself and then putting myself in the vicious circle of more failures and more hammering.

I complain that I don’t get things easy in life but maybe I make it like that by staying in the negative mode. Maybe I have such a strong belief that I will not get things easy and so I don’t. I have no one to blame but myself, so this time I won’t strain myself and give myself the scope for hoping for better things in life because I know I deserve them.

Now that I have an opportunity to break from the clutches of self inflicted misery, I should pounce on the opportunity, but since I am writing about it clearly I haven’t done that yet. But as my very wise mom tells me at least the realization is a beginning of a change, so I must act on it. I must get out of this negative spiral and give myself a chance to prosper. And now I hope I get all the help to stick to my plan of being positive and happy in life and make a life changing change.

Cheers to change…

Moderated assuage

Some relief after all... its like the first drizzle after the scorching heat, but still not enough. Nothing comes easy and nothing comes full, its like a parts of an item being delivered separately but right now I am just glad at least the deliveries have finally began. But ideally after a long wait you expect it to arrive with a bang and life become super in a jiffy. But patience and some compromising seems to be the order of the day. And believe me I am ready for it too but of course heart wants something else, it looks for grandeur but what it gets is an EMI scheme. But I'll take it and also be thankful and wait for my full reward for another day.

ecstatic

demolition underway

Stuck in the sea of hopelessness and the worst part is I don't know how to swim. Need to be saved but I also know no one can save me and I really have no clue how to help myself, I am drowning and the sun is setting and the shadows are being longer. The day is nearing an end but the night is just beginning and it will only become darker, so I am not just in the sea of hopelessness but in a dark sea of hopelessness and so ill equipped to make it through the night. But I have no choice but to try to survive and I think this trying and failing is going to leave serious dents that of course if I survive.

In all this whats the most unwieldy part is that giving up is not an option, give up and do what, its like there is no other option. And this feeling of being trapped and failure is making life so hard and impossible to cope. Everyday is a depressive start to more depression and desperation, I feel cold and lost and occupied with sadness and frustration.

The biggest lose is the lose of hope, hope of a better day, hope of seeing through the dark tunnel but when the tunnel is blocked from both sides what do get but a trap of despair. I have tried to be positive and optimistic each day and also tried to pretend to be hopeful but now I think I am giving up. I am gearing up for the fall now but it won't be a big fall since I have been falling each day so I have covered some distance but still when I fall the pieces would be uncollectible...

"...hope can be paralyzing"

Caution

We grieve, we rise, we cope or we fight. Everyday and every waking second there is a scuffle for survival or success and no one is at peace. Peace is just turning into a myth or an illusion, soon we will need a lot of expressive phrases to explain to the coming generations what peace and solace meant. Its a forgotten feeling and soon will be obsolete; but why are we always at unrest? Why are we just not happy with ourselves, our surrounding or our reality? I being the one questioning does not mean that I am all perfect and happy and at peace with all I am and all I have, I am equally a part of our struggling guild. But I am wondering and questioning because I still remember what it meant to be at ease with myself and my surrounding and now I don't know why am I in a battle each day with everything, I think all this is inching me closer to self demolition and a crash is coming, I can feel the tremors.